Pro-Single is NOT Anti-Marriage: Celebrating Relationships and Single Life
I once had a family member give me an endearing compliment: "You are pro-single, and you still love LOVE!"
I was ecstatic that someone close to me observed the message I spent years depicting.
I love LOVE!
There you have it, folks!
I also had a social media follower quip "I really like your posts, BUT I really wanna get married! I write letters to my future husband."
Okay...That's great. The two concepts are not mutually exclusive.
Just as Pro-Black doesn't equal Anti-White, Pro-Single is not the same as Anti-Marriage.
Well, how can I 'love LOVE' AND be a singles enthusiast?
I believe in the concept of individually doing the hard emotional work on the "front end," so your relationships have strong foundations. Having successful relationships, platonic or romantic, depends greatly on the quality of the foundation of one's esteem. Being an influential friend, daughter, auntie, wife, colleague, soror, or neighbor requires complete self-assurance.
- Are you happy with your life?
- Are you working toward concrete goals?
- Do you have interests outside of dating?
- Are you financially independent?
- Do you have hobbies?
- Are you aware of your flaws?
- Do you have a plan for self improvement?
- Have you identified your 'deal breakers'?'
- Have you dropped your emotional baggage?
- Do you have quality friends?
- Are you forgiving of yourself and others?
Single people who can answer these questions affirmatively, usually have better chances at successful relationships. It's easier to celebrate the relationship of two WHOLE people; those who are individually COMPLETE.
A close friend, age 40, recently married.
I am so excited for her!
Cathy's (name changed to protect her privacy) single life was nothing short of AMAZING!
She graduated college with honors, obtained her dream job, worked her way up the corporate ladder, mentored teens, published a book, traveled extensively, bought luxury cars and a beautiful home, and was active in her sorority and community.
SHE DIDN'T WAIT!
She didn't sit around waiting for some guy to "find" her. She lived on purpose WITH purpose. Cathy kept her 'options' open, but never displayed desperation or whined about being single.
She lived a BIG HAPPY PURPOSE-FOCUSED LIFE!
When she and her love found each other, they were BOTH JOYFUL, COMPLETE, and wanted to combine the two fantastic, flourishing, phenomenal lives. They attracted what they both were: WHOLE PEOPLE. 100% complete.
I can co-sign that partnership. I can genuinely, without jealousy, celebrate this wonderful couple because I know that marriage is not an accomplishment. It's a life choice. As a self-partnered woman, I can get excited about two people who don't frantically NEED the other to survive, but WANT to build a multi-dimensional life together.
I can be a cheerleader for them!
Pro-Single is NOT Anti-Marriage.
'Pro-Single' mentality supports living a life of fun and purpose that's free of comparison. It’s becoming the best version of yourself and inspiring others to do the same. It's meeting people and enjoying freedom, and refusing to 'couple up' unless you connect with someone worthy of your magic! It supports the notion that you can do WELL all by yourself, and if love develops along the way, it's the cherry on top of an already AMAZING LIFE!
It’s not the whole dessert! Marriage can ENHANCE the already exquisite journey.
Pro-Single women are confident enough to authentically take time to show support for their friends who are in committed relationships by:
- Speaking words of encouragement.
- Propping them up in hard times.
- Babysitting occasionally.
- Buying them a gift card for a simple date night.
Giving encouragement is an investment that always yields great dividends. It returns from unexpected sources at unexpected times.
You can remain Single and Amazing and self-assured while feeling overjoyed for your married friends because pro-single is not anti-marriage!
Has one of your friends entered a committed relationship or gotten married? How did you handle the transition? Was it challenging? Tell us about it in the COMMENTS BELOW.