BOSS MOVES ~ 6 Ways Singles Can Win the Holidays!
“It’s the most wonderful time of the year!” Oh, really?
Honestly, for many single people the holidays can be “complicated.” Our minds know it’s a time to celebrate, but occasionally our hearts feel the weariness of society’s judgement that somehow showing up at the party without some “arm candy” is taboo. It’s almost as if we can hear the unspoken “Oh, it’s JUST you” when showing up to the gala in that little black sequined dress that we searched for months to find. As if we, in all of our glammed "Lizzo-ness" just aren't enough.
Well, this year is going to be different! We’ve made a decision to “boss up” and take control of the holiday season. We're driving this sleigh! It won’t be the “same ‘old, feeling-like-a- third-wheel-under-the-mistletoe” kinda celebration. This is the year we’ll completely WIN THE HOLIDAYS!
Hmmmm… Sounds tempting, but how?
I’m glad you asked.
Throw the "Pop Up" Party of the Year
Instead of freaking out about how to tell that “frenemy” that you’d rather play in traffic than to come to her washed-up NYE party with the same 5 women from the church’s book club, throw the most phenomenal party of the year! Pick a theme, land a jaw-dropping outfit, and invite the “who’s who” of your world. Since the guest list is in your hands, the options are endless. Find that neighbor, who doubles as a DJ, and keep the music cranking. And remember to invite your colleague and her fine bearded cousin to keep things interesting. Who knows, your kickback may become an annual tradition!
Add Some "Spice" to the Cider~Download a Dating App
From scheduling medical appointments to buying groceries, 21st century singles can do just about anything online. Why not meet new people? When applying standard precautions, online dating can open up opportunities to experience diverse individuals that may have never crossed your path to the nail salon. There’s an app for every “flavor” of dater. While dating apps all provide singles with the same essential service—a platform to meet new people and find a potential partner—each app does it in a different way. Differentiating features include online chat or video chat, safety features like photo verification, and dating games. Choose a dating app that offers the features which are most important to you. For example, for singles with safety concerns, Zoosk offers a photo verification feature to ensure that users are honest, and Match.com offers offline events where singles can meet up in a group setting, Black People Meet offers people of color a safe space to talk with those of similar cultural backgrounds, and OurTime.com is “dedicated to singles over 50 looking for companionship, love, and romance.”
Most apps are free, but require a fee to unlock deluxe features.
Rehearse Your Boss Answer
Going to family gatherings is a natural part of the season and inevitably, Aunt Bessie will ask the dreaded question: “Are you seeing anybody?” You know it’s coming. You know she gets a kick out of taunting you every single year. This time, take control of the narrative. Before you step foot into Grandma’s house and lock eyes with Aunt Bessie, have your answer ready. Rehearse the clap back that makes you feel empowered. “Hey Aunt Bessie, I couldn’t wait to get here to let you know I’m seeing my stockbroker! Yep, he said I’m on track to retire next year. What a coincidence! That’s just five years before you. Wow, I love hanging out with him!” If you’re not quite that sarcastic, practice your calm, direct answer and have it locked and loaded so you leave her wondering why the heck she asked you in the first place.
Take the “Hi/Yes” Challenge
In her book, Year of Yes, media mogul and self-professed “single lady,” Shonda Rhimes challenged herself to say “YES” to every opportunity presented to her for an entire year. She found that saying “yes,” especially when her comfort zone wanted to scream “ @#%! NO!” afforded her many spectacular opportunities of which she could have never imagined. Some of Shonda’s “yes” moments yielded personal and career changing opportunities. Others, as you can imagine, were duds and disappointments from which she learned valuable lessons.
Take the challenge. Start by simply saying “HI” to everyone you encounter: the older neighbor getting out of her car, the guy who’s lifting weights at the gym, the frustrated dad who’s doing his last-minute holiday shopping, or the frazzled teenager working the holiday rush at Victoria’s Secret could all use a friendly “Hi.” Saying “hi” helps you practice being cordial and starts interestingly unexpected conversations. Hmmmmm...You never know, you may meet your new best friend or a possible love interest.
Take a Solo Trip
Traveling solo is an introspective CONFIDENCE BUILDER. It’s possible to learn so much about yourself by doing things alone. Completely relying on your own instincts and decisions, facing fears you didn’t know you had, and moving at your personal pace have the ability to increase your boldness and release the lioness within! A few years ago, I embarked upon a solo trip to Jamaica that served as a confidence shot in the arm. I had the time of my life doing (and not doing) anything I wanted, whenever I wanted. If I didn’t want to roll out of bed until noon, it was just fine. If I decided to take a morning excursion to Dunn's River Falls, there was no one to complain about the early tour departure time.
The biggest drawback of solo travel I've experienced is other people’s reactions to my “solo flights.” Though I don’t mind eating alone at all, it seemed to make other people, from the wait staff to fellow vacationers, very uncomfortable witnessing a woman eating alone. As I enjoyed the ambiance and stunning views, every “Winston,” “Desmond,” and “Lloyd” seemed as if he was compelled to make conversation, assuming I was lonely. I was far from lonely, but if you’re trying to meet “someone,” try the strategy of eating alone. You will surely attract attention!
The end of the year is a great time to detox. Detoxing rids the body of impurities, waste, and unhealthy substances. Try a good detox tea to reduce inflammation or a professional massage to work out the kinks and tension you acquired during the year.
While it’s necessary to detox the body, it’s even more important to emotionally flush everything and EVERYBODY who’s unhealthy, inflammatory, or wasting your time. Just like a physical detox, an emotional/relational/spiritual detox increases clarity and energy. Deciding to step away from toxic friendships may hurt initially, but will eventually catapult you into a new level of purpose. When you lose the “weight” of naysayers, it’s easier to run toward the goals of the new year!
Warning: This will not be easy! People don’t always take it well when you step away from relationships that only benefitted them. Oh well, let them "scratch their happy place and get glad!” This is the year you choose YOU! Step away with class, love, and grace. There’s no need to bash or slander. Slander doesn’t benefit anyone.
This detox is vital to YOUR health, growth, and promotion!
Remember, holidays are for relaxation and STRESS FREE FUN! However that looks for you, DO IT! Don’t allow anyone to monopolize your schedule or dictate your moves. Winning during the holidays means you do whatever floats your boat! Loosen up, laugh, and be spontaneous! Make the boss moves that empower you to have the most carefree season imaginable. And don’t forget to leave a little SPARKLE wherever you go!!!